People say a lot of things they don’t mean when they’re angry – and a spouse who realizes that they’ve lost control of their life because divorce is looming will sometimes lash out with threats. One of the most common threats that one spouse may make to another before a divorce is that they’ll “take the kids” and refuse to share custody.
Take a deep breath and give yourself a little emotional distance. There’s no reason to engage with that kind of rhetoric because what happens with the custody of your children isn’t up to your spouse alone. Here’s what you need to know so you can remain calm in this situation:
Joint custody is the preferred option
California, like a handful of other states, has created a legal presumption that joint custody is always in the best interest of the child.
What does that mean? In essence, your spouse would have to try to “rebut” that presumption – and the burden of proof would be on them to show that something other than shared custody would be better for the kids.
Their personal feelings about you aren’t going to cut it, and the court will not simply award them full custody and deprive you and your child of that all-important parent-child relationship based on their allegations alone. The court is also not likely to be impressed with vague complaints that ultimately come down to differing parenting styles. Just because your spouse is rigid about bedtimes and diet, the court isn’t going to penalize you for taking a more relaxed approach when the children are with you.
Don’t let your spouse’s angry words throw you off balance and create fear. That’s just an attempt to control the situation or punish you, and you shouldn’t give it power. Legal guidance can help you address specific concerns in your custody case and move forward with confidence.